1 It was a bright cold day in April, and
the clocks were striking thirteen. Winston Smith, his chin nuzzled
into his breast in an effort to escape the vile wind, slipped
quickly through the glass doors of Victory Mansions, though not
quickly enough to prevent a swirl of gritty dust from entering along
with him.
The hallway smelt of boiled cabbage and old rag
mats. At one end of it a coloured poster, too large for indoor
display, had been tacked to the wall. It depicted simply an enormous
face, more than a metre wide: the face of a man of about forty-five,
with a heavy black moustache and ruggedly handsome features. Winston
made for the stairs. It was no use trying the lift. Even at the best
of times it was seldom working, and at present the electric current
was cut off during daylight hours. It was part of the economy drive
in preparation for Hate Week. The flat was seven flights up, and
Winston, who was thirty-nine and had a varicose ulcer above his
right ankle, went slowly, resting several times on the way. On each
landing, opposite the lift-shaft, the poster with the enormous face
gazed from the wall. It was one of those pictures which are so
contrived that the eyes follow you about when you move. BIG BROTHER
IS WATCHING YOU, the caption beneath it ran.
Inside the flat
a fruity voice was reading out a list of figures which had something
to do with the production of pig-iron. The voice came from an oblong
metal plaque like a dulled mirror which formed part of the surface
of the right-hand wall. Winston turned a switch and the voice sank
somewhat, though the words were still distinguishable. The
instrument (the telescreen, it was called) could be dimmed, but
there was no way of shutting it off completely. He moved over to the
window: a smallish, frail figure, the meagreness of his body merely
emphasized by the blue overalls which were the uniform of the party.
His hair was very fair, his face naturally sanguine, his skin
roughened by coarse soap and blunt razor blades and the cold of the
winter that had just ended.
Outside, even through the shut
window-pane, the world looked cold. Down in the street little eddies
of wind were whirling dust and torn paper into spirals, and though
the sun was shining and the sky a harsh blue, there seemed to be no
colour in anything, except the posters that were plastered
everywhere. The blackmoustachio'd face gazed down from every
commanding corner. There was one on the house-front immediately
opposite. BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU, the caption said, while the
dark eyes looked deep into Winston's own. Down at streetlevel
another poster, torn at one corner, flapped fitfully in the wind,
alternately covering and uncovering the single word INGSOC. In the
far distance a helicopter skimmed down between the roofs, hovered
for an instant like a bluebottle, and darted away again with a
curving flight. It was the police patrol, snooping into people's
windows. The patrols did not matter, however. Only the Thought
Police mattered.
Behind Winston's back the voice from the
telescreen was still babbling away about pig-iron and the
overfulfilment of the Ninth Three-Year Plan. The telescreen received
and transmitted simultaneously. Any sound that Winston made, above
the level of a very low whisper, would be picked up by it, moreover,
so long as he remained within the field of vision which the metal
plaque commanded, he could be seen as well as heard. There was of
course no way of knowing whether you were being watched at any given
moment. How often, or on what system, the Thought Police plugged in
on any individual wire was guesswork. It was even conceivable that
they watched everybody all the time. But at any rate they could plug
in your wire whenever they wanted to. You had to live -- did live,
from habit that became instinct -- in the assumption that every
sound you made was overheard, and, except in darkness, every
movement scrutinized.
Winston kept his back turned to the
telescreen. It was safer, though, as he well knew, even a back can
be revealing. A kilometre away the Ministry of Truth, his place of
work, towered vast and white above the grimy landscape. This, he
thought with a sort of vague distaste -- this was London, chief city
of Airstrip One, itself the third most populous of the provinces of
Oceania. He tried to squeeze out some childhood memory that should
tell him whether London had always been quite like this. Were there
always these vistas of rotting nineteenth-century houses, their
sides shored up with baulks of timber, their windows patched with
cardboard and their roofs with corrugated iron, their crazy garden
walls sagging in all directions? And the bombed sites where the
plaster dust swirled in the air and the willow-herb straggled over
the heaps of rubble; and the places where the bombs had cleared a
larger patch and there had sprung up sordid colonies of wooden
dwellings like chicken-houses? But it was no use, he could not
remember: nothing remained of his childhood except a series of
bright-lit tableaux occurring against no background and mostly
unintelligible.
The Ministry of Truth -- Minitrue, in
Newspeak -- was startlingly different from any other object in
sight. It was an enormous pyramidal structure of glittering white
concrete, soaring up, terrace after terrace, 300 metres into the
air. From where Winston stood it was just possible to read, picked
out on its white face in elegant lettering, the three slogans of the
Party:
WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
The Ministry of Truth
contained, it was said, three thousand rooms above ground level, and
corresponding ramifications below. Scattered about London there were
just three other buildings of similar appearance and size. So
completely did they dwarf the surrounding architecture that from the
roof of Victory Mansions you could see all four of them
simultaneously. They were the homes of the four Ministries between
which the entire apparatus of government was divided. The Ministry
of Truth, which concerned itself with news, entertainment,
education, and the fine arts. The Ministry of Peace, which concerned
itself with war. The Ministry of Love, which maintained law and
order. And the Ministry of Plenty, which was responsible for
economic affairs. Their names, in Newspeak: Minitrue, Minipax,
Miniluv, and Miniplenty.
The Ministry of Love was the really
frightening one. There were no windows in it at all. Winston had
never been inside the Ministry of Love, nor within half a kilometre
of it. It was a place impossible to enter except on official
business, and then only by penetrating through a maze of barbed-wire
entanglements, steel doors, and hidden machine-gun nests. Even the
streets leading up to its outer barriers were roamed by
gorilla-faced guards in black uniforms, armed with jointed
truncheons.
Winston turned round abruptly. He had set his
features into the expression of quiet optimism which it was
advisable to wear when facing the telescreen. He crossed the room
into the tiny kitchen. By leaving the Ministry at this time of day
he had sacrificed his lunch in the canteen, and he was aware that
there was no food in the kitchen except a hunk of dark-coloured
bread which had got to be saved for tomorrow's breakfast. He took
down from the shelf a bottle of colourless liquid with a plain white
label marked VICTORY GIN. It gave off a sickly, oily smell, as of
Chinese ricespirit. Winston poured out nearly a teacupful, nerved
himself for a shock, and gulped it down like a dose of medicine.
Instantly his face turned scarlet and the water ran out of
his eyes. The stuff was like nitric acid, and moreover, in
swallowing it one had the sensation of being hit on the back of the
head with a rubber club. The next moment, however, the burning in
his belly died down and the world began to look more cheerful. He
took a cigarette from a crumpled packet marked VICTORY CIGARETTES
and incautiously held it upright, whereupon the tobacco fell out on
to the floor. With the next he was more successful. He went back to
the living-room and sat down at a small table that stood to the left
of the telescreen. From the table drawer he took out a penholder, a
bottle of ink, and a thick, quarto-sized blank book with a red back
and a marbled cover.
For some reason the telescreen in the
living-room was in an unusual position. Instead of being placed, as
was normal, in the end wall, where it could command the whole room,
it was in the longer wall, opposite the window. To one side of it
there was a shallow alcove in which Winston was now sitting, and
which, when the flats were built, had probably been intended to hold
bookshelves. By sitting in the alcove, and keeping well back,
Winston was able to remain outside the range of the telescreen, so
far as sight went. He could be heard, of course, but so long as he
stayed in his present position he could not be seen. It was partly
the unusual geography of the room that had suggested to him the
thing that he was now about to do.
But it had also been
suggested by the book that he had just taken out of the drawer. It
was a peculiarly beautiful book. Its smooth creamy paper, a little
yellowed by age, was of a kind that had not been manufactured for at
least forty years past. He could guess, however, that the book was
much older than that. He had seen it lying in the window of a frowsy
little junk-shop in a slummy quarter of the town (just what quarter
he did not now remember) and had been stricken immediately by an
overwhelming desire to possess it. Party members were supposed not
to go into ordinary shops ('dealing on the free market', it was
called), but the rule was not strictly kept, because there were
various things, such as shoelaces and razor blades, which it was
impossible to get hold of in any other way. He had given a quick
glance up and down the street and then had slipped inside and bought
the book for two dollars fifty. At the time he was not conscious of
wanting it for any particular purpose. He had carried it guiltily
home in his briefcase. Even with nothing written in it, it was a
compromising possession.
The thing that he was about to do
was to open a diary. This was not illegal (nothing was illegal,
since there were no longer any laws), but if detected it was
reasonably certain that it would be punished by death, or at least
by twenty-five years in a forced-labour camp. Winston fitted a nib
into the penholder and sucked it to get the grease off. The pen was
an archaic instrument, seldom used even for signatures, and he had
procured one, furtively and with some difficulty, simply because of
a feeling that the beautiful creamy paper deserved to be written on
with a real nib instead of being scratched with an ink-pencil.
Actually he was not used to writing by hand. Apart from very short
notes, it was usual to dictate everything into the speakwrite which
was of course impossible for his present purpose. He dipped the pen
into the ink and then faltered for just a second. A tremor had gone
through his bowels. To mark the paper was the decisive act. In small
clumsy letters he wrote:
April 4th, 1984.
He sat
back. A sense of complete helplessness had descended upon him. To
begin with, he did not know with any certainty that this was 1984.
It must be round about that date, since he was fairly sure that his
age was thirty-nine, and he believed that he had been born in 1944
or 1945; but it was never possible nowadays to pin down any date
within a year or two.
For whom, it suddenly occurred to him
to wonder, was he writing this diary? For the future, for the
unborn. His mind hovered for a moment round the doubtful date on the
page, and then fetched up with a bump against the Newspeak word
doublethink. For the first time the magnitude of what he had
undertaken came home to him. How could you communicate with the
future? It was of its nature impossible. Either the future would
resemble the present, in which case it would not listen to him: or
it would be different from it, and his predicament would be
meaningless.
For some time he sat gazing stupidly at the
paper. The telescreen had changed over to strident military music.
It was curious that he seemed not merely to have lost the power of
expressing himself, but even to have forgotten what it was that he
had originally intended to say. For weeks past he had been making
ready for this moment, and it had never crossed his mind that
anything would be needed except courage. The actual writing would be
easy. All he had to do was to transfer to paper the interminable
restless monologue that had been running inside his head, literally
for years. At this moment, however, even the monologue had dried up.
Moreover his varicose ulcer had begun itching unbearably. He dared
not scratch it, because if he did so it always became inflamed. The
seconds were ticking by. He was conscious of nothing except the
blankness of the page in front of him, the itching of the skin above
his ankle, the blaring of the music, and a slight booziness caused
by the gin.
Suddenly he began writing in sheer panic, only
imperfectly aware of what he was setting down. His small but
childish handwriting straggled up and down the page, shedding first
its capital letters and finally even its full stops:
April
4th, 1984. Last night to the flicks. All war films. One very good
one of a ship full of refugees being bombed somewhere in the
Mediterranean. Audience much amused by shots of a great huge fat man
trying to swim away with a helicopter after him, first you saw him
wallowing along in the water like a porpoise, then you saw him
through the helicopters gunsights, then he was full of holes and the
sea round him turned pink and he sank as suddenly as though the
holes had let in the water, audience shouting with laughter when he
sank. then you saw a lifeboat full of children with a helicopter
hovering over it. there was a middle-aged woman might have been a
jewess sitting up in the bow with a little boy about three years old
in her arms. little boy screaming with fright and hiding his head
between her breasts as if he was trying to burrow right into her and
the woman putting her arms round him and comforting him although she
was blue with fright herself, all the time covering him up as much
as possible as if she thought her arms could keep the bullets off
him. then the helicopter planted a 20 kilo bomb in among them
terrific flash and the boat went all to matchwood. then there was a
wonderful shot of a child's arm going up up up right up into the air
a helicopter with a camera in its nose must have followed it up and
there was a lot of applause from the party seats but a woman down in
the prole part of the house suddenly started kicking up a fuss and
shouting they didnt oughter of showed it not in front of kids they
didnt it aint right not in front of kids it aint until the police
turned her turned her out i dont suppose anything happened to her
nobody cares what the proles say typical prole reaction they never
--
Winston stopped writing, partly because he was suffering
from cramp. He did not know what had made him pour out this stream
of rubbish. But the curious thing was that while he was doing so a
totally different memory had clarified itself in his mind, to the
point where he almost felt equal to writing it down. It was, he now
realized, because of this other incident that he had suddenly
decided to come home and begin the diary today.
It had
happened that morning at the Ministry, if anything so nebulous could
be said to happen.
It was nearly eleven hundred, and in the
Records Department, where Winston worked, they were dragging the
chairs out of the cubicles and grouping them in the centre of the
hall opposite the big telescreen, in preparation for the Two Minutes
Hate. Winston was just taking his place in one of the middle rows
when two people whom he knew by sight, but had never spoken to, came
unexpectedly into the room. One of them was a girl whom he often
passed in the corridors. He did not know her name, but he knew that
she worked in the Fiction Department. Presumably -- since he had
sometimes seen her with oily hands and carrying a spanner she had
some mechanical job on one of the novel-writing machines. She was a
bold-looking girl, of about twenty-seven, with thick hair, a
freckled face, and swift, athletic movements. A narrow scarlet sash,
emblem of the Junior Anti-Sex League, was wound several times round
the waist of her overalls, just tightly enough to bring out the
shapeliness of her hips. Winston had disliked her from the very
first moment of seeing her. He knew the reason. It was because of
the atmosphere of hockey-fields and cold baths and community hikes
and general clean-mindedness which she managed to carry about with
her. He disliked nearly all women, and especially the young and
pretty ones. It was always the women, and above all the young ones,
who were the most bigoted adherents of the Party, the swallowers of
slogans, the amateur spies and nosers-out of unorthodoxy. But this
particular girl gave him the impression of being more dangerous than
most. Once when they passed in the corridor she gave him a quick
sidelong glance which seemed to pierce right into him and for a
moment had filled him with black terror. The idea had even crossed
his mind that she might be an agent of the Thought Police. That, it
was true, was very unlikely. Still, he continued to feel a peculiar
uneasiness, which had fear mixed up in it as well as hostility,
whenever she was anywhere near him.
The other person was a
man named O'Brien, a member of the Inner Party and holder of some
post so important and remote that Winston had only a dim idea of its
nature. A momentary hush passed over the group of people round the
chairs as they saw the black overalls of an Inner Party member
approaching. O'Brien was a large, burly man with a thick neck and a
coarse, humorous, brutal face. In spite of his formidable appearance
he had a certain charm of manner. He had a trick of resettling his
spectacles on his nose which was curiously disarming -- in some
indefinable way, curiously civilized. It was a gesture which, if
anyone had still thought in such terms, might have recalled an
eighteenth-century nobleman offering his snuffbox. Winston had seen
O'Brien perhaps a dozen times in almost as many years. He felt
deeply drawn to him, and not solely because he was intrigued by the
contrast between O'Brien's urbane manner and his prize-fighter's
physique. Much more it was because of a secretly held belief -- or
perhaps not even a belief, merely a hope -- that O'Brien's political
orthodoxy was not perfect. Something in his face suggested it
irresistibly. And again, perhaps it was not even unorthodoxy that
was written in his face, but simply intelligence. But at any rate he
had the appearance of being a person that you could talk to if
somehow you could cheat the telescreen and get him alone. Winston
had never made the smallest effort to verify this guess: indeed,
there was no way of doing so. At this moment O'Brien glanced at his
wrist-watch, saw that it was nearly eleven hundred, and evidently
decided to stay in the Records Department until the Two Minutes Hate
was over. He took a chair in the same row as Winston, a couple of
places away. A small, sandy-haired woman who worked in the next
cubicle to Winston was between them. The girl with dark hair was
sitting immediately behind.
The next moment a hideous,
grinding speech, as of some monstrous machine running without oil,
burst from the big telescreen at the end of the room. It was a noise
that set one's teeth on edge and bristled the hair at the back of
one's neck. The Hate had started.
As usual, the face of
Emmanuel Goldstein, the Enemy of the People, had flashed on to the
screen. There were hisses here and there among the audience. The
little sandy-haired woman gave a squeak of mingled fear and disgust.
Goldstein was the renegade and backslider who once, long ago (how
long ago, nobody quite remembered), had been one of the leading
figures of the Party, almost on a level with Big Brother himself,
and then had engaged in counter-revolutionary activities, had been
condemned to death, and had mysteriously escaped and disappeared.
The programmes of the Two Minutes Hate varied from day to day, but
there was none in which Goldstein was not the principal figure. He
was the primal traitor, the earliest defiler of the Party's purity.
All subsequent crimes against the Party, all treacheries, acts of
sabotage, heresies, deviations, sprang directly out of his teaching.
Somewhere or other he was still alive and hatching his conspiracies:
perhaps somewhere beyond the sea, under the protection of his
foreign paymasters, perhaps even -- so it was occasionally rumoured
-- in some hiding-place in Oceania itself.
Winston's
diaphragm was constricted. He could never see the face of Goldstein
without a painful mixture of emotions. It was a lean Jewish face,
with a great fuzzy aureole of white hair and a small goatee beard --
a clever face, and yet somehow inherently despicable, with a kind of
senile silliness in the long thin nose, near the end of which a pair
of spectacles was perched. It resembled the face of a sheep, and the
voice, too, had a sheep-like quality. Goldstein was delivering his
usual venomous attack upon the doctrines of the Party -- an attack
so exaggerated and perverse that a child should have been able to
see through it, and yet just plausible enough to fill one with an
alarmed feeling that other people, less level-headed than oneself,
might be taken in by it. He was abusing Big Brother, he was
denouncing the dictatorship of the Party, he was demanding the
immediate conclusion of peace with Eurasia, he was advocating
freedom of speech, freedom of the Press, freedom of assembly,
freedom of thought, he was crying hysterically that the revolution
had been betrayed -- and all this in rapid polysyllabic speech which
was a sort of parody of the habitual style of the orators of the
Party, and even contained Newspeak words: more Newspeak words,
indeed, than any Party member would normally use in real life. And
all the while, lest one should be in any doubt as to the reality
which Goldstein's specious claptrap covered, behind his head on the
telescreen there marched the endless columns of the Eurasian army --
row after row of solid-looking men with expressionless Asiatic
faces, who swam up to the surface of the screen and vanished, to be
replaced by others exactly similar. The dull rhythmic tramp of the
soldiers' boots formed the background to Goldstein's bleating voice.
Before the Hate had proceeded for thirty seconds,
uncontrollable exclamations of rage were breaking out from half the
people in the room. The self-satisfied sheep-like face on the
screen, and the terrifying power of the Eurasian army behind it,
were too much to be borne: besides, the sight or even the thought of
Goldstein produced fear and anger automatically. He was an object of
hatred more constant than either Eurasia or Eastasia, since when
Oceania was at war with one of these Powers it was generally at
peace with the other. But what was strange was that although
Goldstein was hated and despised by everybody, although every day
and a thousand times a day, on platforms, on the telescreen, in
newspapers, in books, his theories were refuted, smashed, ridiculed,
held up to the general gaze for the pitiful rubbish that they were
in spite of all this, his influence never seemed to grow less.
Always there were fresh dupes waiting to be seduced by him. A day
never passed when spies and saboteurs acting under his directions
were not unmasked by the Thought Police. He was the commander of a
vast shadowy army, an underground network of conspirators dedicated
to the overthrow of the State. The Brotherhood, its name was
supposed to be. There were also whispered stories of a terrible
book, a compendium of all the heresies, of which Goldstein was the
author and which circulated clandestinely here and there. It was a
book without a title. People referred to it, if at all, simply as
the book. But one knew of such things only through vague rumours.
Neither the Brotherhood nor the book was a subject that any ordinary
Party member would mention if there was a way of avoiding it.
In its second minute the Hate rose to a frenzy. People were
leaping up and down in their places and shouting at the tops of
their voices in an effort to drown the maddening bleating voice that
came from the screen. The little sandy-haired woman had turned
bright pink, and her mouth was opening and shutting like that of a
landed fish. Even O'Brien's heavy face was flushed. He was sitting
very straight in his chair, his powerful chest swelling and
quivering as though he were standing up to the assault of a wave.
The dark-haired girl behind Winston had begun crying out 'Swine!
Swine! Swine!' and suddenly she picked up a heavy Newspeak
dictionary and flung it at the screen. It struck Goldstein's nose
and bounced off; the voice continued inexorably. In a lucid moment
Winston found that he was shouting with the others and kicking his
heel violently against the rung of his chair. The horrible thing
about the Two Minutes Hate was not that one was obliged to act a
part, but, on the contrary, that it was impossible to avoid joining
in. Within thirty seconds any pretence was always unnecessary. A
hideous ecstasy of fear and vindictiveness, a desire to kill, to
torture, to smash faces in with a sledge-hammer, seemed to flow
through the whole group of people like an electric current, turning
one even against one's will into a grimacing, screaming lunatic. And
yet the rage that one felt was an abstract, undirected emotion which
could be switched from one object to another like the flame of a
blowlamp. Thus, at one moment Winston's hatred was not turned
against Goldstein at all, but, on the contrary, against Big Brother,
the Party, and the Thought Police; and at such moments his heart
went out to the lonely, derided heretic on the screen, sole guardian
of truth and sanity in a world of lies. And yet the very next
instant he was at one with the people about him, and all that was
said of Goldstein seemed to him to be true. At those moments his
secret loathing of Big Brother changed into adoration, and Big
Brother seemed to tower up, an invincible, fearless protector,
standing like a rock against the hordes of Asia, and Goldstein, in
spite of his isolation, his helplessness, and the doubt that hung
about his very existence, seemed like some sinister enchanter,
capable by the mere power of his voice of wrecking the structure of
civilization.
It was even possible, at moments, to switch
one's hatred this way or that by a voluntary act. Suddenly, by the
sort of violent effort with which one wrenches one's head away from
the pillow in a nightmare, Winston succeeded in transferring his
hatred from the face on the screen to the dark-haired girl behind
him. Vivid, beautiful hallucinations flashed through his mind. He
would flog her to death with a rubber truncheon. He would tie her
naked to a stake and shoot her full of arrows like Saint Sebastian.
He would ravish her and cut her throat at the moment of climax.
Better than before, moreover, he realized why it was that he hated
her. He hated her because she was young and pretty and sexless,
because he wanted to go to bed with her and would never do so,
because round her sweet supple waist, which seemed to ask you to
encircle it with your arm, there was only the odious scarlet sash,
aggressive symbol of chastity.
The Hate rose to its climax.
The voice of Goldstein had become an actual sheep's bleat, and for
an instant the face changed into that of a sheep. Then the
sheep-face melted into the figure of a Eurasian soldier who seemed
to be advancing, huge and terrible, his sub-machine gun roaring, and
seeming to spring out of the surface of the screen, so that some of
the people in the front row actually flinched backwards in their
seats. But in the same moment, drawing a deep sigh of relief from
everybody, the hostile figure melted into the face of Big Brother,
black-haired, black-moustachio'd, full of power and mysterious calm,
and so vast that it almost filled up the screen. Nobody heard what
Big Brother was saying. It was merely a few words of encouragement,
the sort of words that are uttered in the din of battle, not
distinguishable individually but restoring confidence by the fact of
being spoken. Then the face of Big Brother faded away again, and
instead the three slogans of the Party stood out in bold capitals:
WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS
STRENGTH
But the face of Big Brother seemed to persist for
several seconds on the screen, as though the impact that it had made
on everyone's eyeballs was too vivid to wear off immediately. The
little sandyhaired woman had flung herself forward over the back of
the chair in front of her. With a tremulous murmur that sounded like
'My Saviour!' she extended her arms towards the screen. Then she
buried her face in her hands. It was apparent that she was uttering
a prayer.
At this moment the entire group of people broke
into a deep, slow, rhythmical chant of 'B-B! ...B-B!' -- over and
over again, very slowly, with a long pause between the first 'B' and
the second-a heavy, murmurous sound, somehow curiously savage, in
the background of which one seemed to hear the stamp of naked feet
and the throbbing of tom-toms. For perhaps as much as thirty seconds
they kept it up. It was a refrain that was often heard in moments of
overwhelming emotion. Partly it was a sort of hymn to the wisdom and
majesty of Big Brother, but still more it was an act of
self-hypnosis, a deliberate drowning of consciousness by means of
rhythmic noise. Winston's entrails seemed to grow cold. In the Two
Minutes Hate he could not help sharing in the general delirium, but
this sub-human chanting of 'B-B! ...B-B!' always filled him with
horror. Of course he chanted with the rest: it was impossible to do
otherwise. To dissemble your feelings, to control your face, to do
what everyone else was doing, was an instinctive reaction. But there
was a space of a couple of seconds during which the expression of
his eyes might conceivably have betrayed him. And it was exactly at
this moment that the significant thing happened -- if, indeed, it
did happen.
Momentarily he caught O'Brien's eye. O'Brien had
stood up. He had taken off his spectacles and was in the act of
resettling them on his nose with his characteristic gesture. But
there was a fraction of a second when their eyes met, and for as
long as it took to happen Winston knew-yes, he knew!-that O'Brien
was thinking the same thing as himself. An unmistakable message had
passed. It was as though their two minds had opened and the thoughts
were flowing from one into the other through their eyes. 'I am with
you,' O'Brien seemed to be saying to him. 'I know precisely what you
are feeling. I know all about your contempt, your hatred, your
disgust. But don't worry, I am on your side!' And then the flash of
intelligence was gone, and O'Brien's face was as inscrutable as
everybody else's.
That was all, and he was already uncertain
whether it had happened. Such incidents never had any sequel. All
that they did was to keep alive in him the belief, or hope, that
others besides himself were the enemies of the Party. Perhaps the
rumours of vast underground conspiracies were true after all --
perhaps the Brotherhood really existed! It was impossible, in spite
of the endless arrests and confessions and executions, to be sure
that the Brotherhood was not simply a myth. Some days he believed in
it, some days not. There was no evidence, only fleeting glimpses
that might mean anything or nothing: snatches of overheard
conversation, faint scribbles on lavatory walls -- once, even, when
two strangers met, a small movement of the hand which had looked as
though it might be a signal of recognition. It was all guesswork:
very likely he had imagined everything. He had gone back to his
cubicle without looking at O'Brien again. The idea of following up
their momentary contact hardly crossed his mind. It would have been
inconceivably dangerous even if he had known how to set about doing
it. For a second, two seconds, they had exchanged an equivocal
glance, and that was the end of the story. But even that was a
memorable event, in the locked loneliness in which one had to live.
Winston roused himself and sat up straighter. He let out a
belch. The gin was rising from his stomach.
His eyes
re-focused on the page. He discovered that while he sat helplessly
musing he had also been writing, as though by automatic action. And
it was no longer the same cramped, awkward handwriting as before.
His pen had slid voluptuously over the smooth paper, printing in
large neat capitals -
DOWN WITH BIG BROTHER
DOWN
WITH BIG BROTHER
DOWN WITH BIG BROTHER
DOWN WITH BIG
BROTHER
DOWN WITH BIG BROTHER
over and over again,
filling half a page.
He could not help feeling a twinge of
panic. It was absurd, since the writing of those particular words
was not more dangerous than the initial act of opening the diary,
but for a moment he was tempted to tear out the spoiled pages and
abandon the enterprise altogether.
He did not do so,
however, because he knew that it was useless. Whether he wrote DOWN
WITH BIG BROTHER, or whether he refrained from writing it, made no
difference. Whether he went on with the diary, or whether he did not
go on with it, made no difference. The Thought Police would get him
just the same. He had committed -- would still have committed, even
if he had never set pen to paper -- the essential crime that
contained all others in itself. Thoughtcrime, they called it.
Thoughtcrime was not a thing that could be concealed for ever. You
might dodge successfully for a while, even for years, but sooner or
later they were bound to get you.
It was always at night --
the arrests invariably happened at night. The sudden jerk out of
sleep, the rough hand shaking your shoulder, the lights glaring in
your eyes, the ring of hard faces round the bed. In the vast
majority of cases there was no trial, no report of the arrest.
People simply disappeared, always during the night. Your name was
removed from the registers, every record of everything you had ever
done was wiped out, your one-time existence was denied and then
forgotten. You were abolished, annihilated: vaporized was the usual
word.
For a moment he was seized by a kind of hysteria. He
began writing in a hurried untidy scrawl:
theyll shoot me i
don't care theyll shoot me in the back of the neck i dont care down
with big brother they always shoot you in the back of the neck i
dont care down with big brother --
He sat back in his chair,
slightly ashamed of himself, and laid down the pen. The next moment
he started violently. There was a knocking at the door.
Already! He sat as still as a mouse, in the futile hope that
whoever it was might go away after a single attempt. But no, the
knocking was repeated. The worst thing of all would be to delay. His
heart was thumping like a drum, but his face, from long habit, was
probably expressionless. He got up and moved heavily towards the
door.
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